It’s 5 pm and I am still in my pyjamas. I haven’t opened the curtains yet. My partner said to me before he left for work for the weekend that I should try and get out today. He knows that if I stay in, I will just be in my own head and go to a dark place.
I know that I should take his advice, deep down I know that getting ready and going out will help to stop the loneliness and overthinking.
But no matter how much I tell my brain that I should listen and get out, it doesn’t listen.
I can’t find the motivation or the determination to do anything.
I feel guilty for doing this and feeling like this.
I feel guilty for not listening to my partner, he is so supportive but I think he feels that I don’t help myself.
I feel guilty that the only time I’ve gotten up today is to eat.
I feel guilty that I can’t even get the energy to get my guinea pigs out for a run.
I feel guilty that there are people much worse off in the world than I am, some people who can’t physically do certain things but who still manage to muster up the will power to do something productive with their days and enjoy life.
I feel guilty about a lot of things on a daily basis.
I know that the feeling of guilt is weighing me down and making my depression and anxiety worse. But I don’t know how to stop thinking that I am such a bad person for feeling the way I do.